I was speaking at a conference about communicating with people that are not of your generation. The group I was speaking to were all baby boomers. We were talking about communicating with young adults. One of the gentlemen suggested that he might have to turn his ball cap to the side and bounce his head while he was speaking.
I assured him that he wouldn't have to do that and that he would be surprised at the number of topics that would have a common interest. He might not be able to talk about the latest computer-related lingo or talk about the music he listens to but I assured him that the topics of living and understanding people were the same and that they would be interested. I also suggested that he probably needed to be the one to get the conversation going.
Later I pondered if I could have given him a more helpful answer. I wanted to give him some tools to communicate with this other generation. I thought about how I had communicated with college students or high school students. It seemed to just be a game of 20 questions. I'd ask something, they would give a one-word answer with no real communication. We would both tire of the game of 20 questions and quit "communicating." I hoped that next time we met we could get a better conversation going and at least I had "broken the ice."
This not being a satisfactory answer I thought about some of the training I have had on communication and unlocking the real issues that people have. This involved finding some topic that had meaning for the person using 20 questions to find an area of interest. Something like this - rather than just saying what's your major and getting their answer, may be business, the 3 Questions technique would follow up with a open-ended question of what's one of the things that made you choose business? If I practiced being an active listener I could follow that with what would learning that information mean to you? When you take the opportunity to change 20 questions into what I call 3 Questions you find that people have things that they like to talk about and care about rather than just giving information and one word answers.
The reason I call this 3 Questions is when people are first asked an open-ended, somewhat probing, question they will give you a throwaway type answer to see if you are really listening. If you are listening you will be able to mirror the answer back with another open-ended question and probe further. Usually by the third, fourth or sometimes the fifth question you'll see them relax and start to give you the real answer. You have just started to communicate. If you don't continue to actively listen and ask the second, third, and maybe fourth question, you won't get a conversation going at a level where the person is actually communicating their true feelings.
Zig Zigler said that if you look at the red letters in your Bible you will see that Jesus asked a lot of questions to help people find answers.
Try 3 Questions intentionally and get back to me.
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